Kids' Favorite Funny Poetry
Bruce Lansky and his gang of poets are back with new poetry to keep you laughing and smiling! Check out some of our favorites from I Hope I Don't Strike Out!, I'm Allergic to School, A Bad Case of the Giggles, and Revenge of the Lunch Ladies.
I Hope I Don’t Strike Out!
I was substituted in the game in inning number nine.
I’d been sitting on the bench because the game was on the line.
Our first baseman had the runs and so his cleanup spot was mine.
I hope I don’t strike out!
Well, the bases all were loaded, and the pressure sure was high.
When the going’s tough, the tough get going—I’m not that kind of guy.
But if I strike out, we’ll lose the game, then I’ll break down and cry.
I hope I don’t strike out!
The pitcher took one look at me and knew I was no threat.
He could see my hands were shaking and my uniform was wet.
He bragged, “My fastball’s smokin’. I will strike you out, no sweat.”
I hope I don’t strike out!
Well, the first pitch was a bullet, and the umpire yelled, “Strike one!”
I couldn’t swing the bat because it seemed to weigh a ton.
If the pitcher threw two more like that, we’d lose by just a run.
I hope I don’t strike out!
The second pitch came at me, and I thought I saw it dance.
The knuckler dipsy-doodled, then it breezed right by my pants.
The umpire yelled, “Strike two!” before I woke out of a trance.
I hope I don’t strike out!
Then from the seats along third base, I heard a voice I knew.
My father waved and yelled again, “Don’t worry—don’t be blue.
Just keep your eyes upon the ball, and you might hit a few.
I hope you don’t strike out.”
Well, my back was to the pitcher as he let the third pitch fly.
I was waving to my dad and thinking, “What a thoughtful guy.”
My bat was on my shoulder—that’s the only reason why…
I didn’t swing and miss.
Well, the ball bounced off my bat and slowly dribbled toward first base.
The catcher tore his mask off, and I watched him giving chase.
My coach yelled, “Run!” I dropped my bat, and I was in a race.
That’s how I made a hit!
Our fans were wildly cheering as the opposition frowned.
Their tears were flowing as they stood with eyes upon the ground.
They didn’t see two runners score who didn’t make a sound.
That’s how we won the game!
My brother's such a noisy kid,
when he eats soup he slurps.
When he drinks milk he gargles.
After meals he burps.
He cracks his knuckles when he's bored.
He whistles when he walks.
He snaps his fingers when he sings,
annd when he's mad he squawks.
At night my brother snores so loud
it sounds just like a riot.
Even when he sleeps
my noisy brother isn't quiet.
I Overslept This Morning
I overslept this morning. I jumped up out of bed.
I put on different-colored socks: one blue, the other red.
I put my shirt on backward and forgot to zip my fly.
I scratched my mom behind the ears, then kissed the dog goodbye.
I ran to get to school on time. My foot soon had a bruise.
I guess that’s just what happens when you don’t wear any shoes.
I got to school. The door was locked, much to my dismay.
I can’t believe that I forgot today is Saturday.
Welcome Back to School
“Dear students, the summer has ended.
The schools year has at last begun.
But this year is totally different.
I promise we’ll only have fun.
“We won’t study any mathematics,
and recess will last all day long.
Instead of the Pledge of Allegiance
we’ll belt out a rock ‘n’ roll song.
“We’ll only play games in the classroom.
You’re welcome to bring in your toys.
It’s okay to run in the hallways.
It’s great if you make lots of noise.
“For homework, you’ll play your Nintendo.
You’ll have to watch lots of TV.
For field trips we’ll go to the movies
and get lots of candy for free.
“The lunchroom will only serve chocolate
and Triple-Fudge Sundaes Supreme.”
Yes, that’s what I heard from my teacher
before I woke up from my dream.
Coming Spring 2009 from Meadowbrook Press:
What I did on my Summer Vacation created by Bruce Lansky
Posted:
6/14/2006 11:34:30 AM
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